The New Careers of These Actors Will Ruin Your Childhood

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Erik MacArthur – Paris Hilton Movie

You’ll remember Erik MacArthur as Michael, the boring kid from Salute Your Shorts. (Before Pinsky showed up, he was supposed to be `the cute one,’ though nobody really knows why.) Since then, Erik appeared in the movie Bottoms Up with Paris Hilton, which isn’t all that notable until you see his character name: “Drunk Guy on Couch.” You know, say what you want about his management style, but things didn’t happen when Ug was in charge…

Dustin Diamond – Self-Released Explicit Tape

Somewhere after finishing up work on Saved by the Bell and its 27 spinoffs, Dustin Diamond decided it would be a great idea to release his own erotic home video. Thankfully, it was tastefully titled: Screeched – Saved by the Smell. Come on, Screech. Eww.

And, you know, let’s not forget the fact that he was recently arrested for stabbing someone in a bar fight.

Joshua Sussman – Starlet

Joshua Sussman, the nerdy kid named Hugh Normous from Disney series Wizards of Waverly Place, has been acting pretty consistently since the show went off the air, most famously on Glee. One role, though, stuck out to us: as a pornography super-fan in the explicitly unrated indy film Starlet. Now I can’t stop thinking of un-publishable double entendres for the name Hugh Normous and it’s making me queasy.